Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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