I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize