I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
