and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Operation Purity has been aborted
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
