ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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