I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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