Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
