So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
