so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
