Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
