you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
