Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
