Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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