I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
