I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
