I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
