I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
