why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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