apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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