Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
