I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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