It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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