The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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