So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
