i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
