I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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