Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
