Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
