i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
