Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
