I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
