so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hippo gnu deer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
