She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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