it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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