Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
