He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
