Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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