Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
