I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
two words: eviction party
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
