Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
