WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
