It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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