she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
