hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
