What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
