I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
