this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
