I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
