I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
