So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Randomize
